There was a time, not so long ago, when I was constantly “working on myself” whether with a coach, attending retreats and workshops, frantically reading self-help books, and doing everything else in between related to the world of self-help, personal development and “spirituality.” Although I was sharing about self-acceptance, I was the furthest from it I’ve probably have ever been.
From a place of lacking self-worth and acceptance, I was striving to become someone else. Someone who had no limiting beliefs, fears, issues, doubts or struggles. Someone who had their life figured out and who rarely experiences the downfalls, struggles, disappointments, and pain life inevitably brings. Funny….of all the humans I’ve met, I’ve never known anyone who fits this description.
I see many people on this personal development path and this constant need to “work on themselves” who my heart goes out to. They have fears and struggles and life isn’t going the way they want, and they beat themselves up for it. Maybe if I attend one more retreat, these fears will go away for good they think. Maybe if I read just one more book or work with one more coach or healer, the pain will be gone. My heart goes out to them, because I see myself. That was me and in a way it still is. It is so difficult to accept that life is both beautiful and painful. Life is miraculous and suffering. Life is both/and.
“I’m on a journey now of accepting myself fully. I don’t really have the need to change myself like I once had before and boy, it is a relief, but it’s not easy (especially as a perfectionist).”
I’m far from perfect and having everything figured out, but I’m no longer striving for either of those. I’m messy and complicated and often life feels confusing and I doubt myself. But this is all part of being human. We were never promised that our journey here would be easy.
I’m accepting that I’m going to feel doubt, pain and fear at times. I’m going to have limiting beliefs and stories that hold me back. Pain points from the past that will be triggered. Old stories that will be retold in the present. And I may carry these with me for the rest of my life. And this is OKAY.